It’s that time again……………

Only this time I’m goin’ back to basics…….

A while back I found myself watching all the food shows – one after the other every day.  The result was always the same.  Those supercilious idiots pissed me off again!  I always wound up screaming at the TV.   ‘OH BULLSHIT!!      YOU MORON!!   My dogs would hide under the couch.  Babies would cry.  My son would put anything heavy and throw-able out of my reach.  I got really tired of those TV morons complicating and mystifying the process of cooking.  “COOKING IS FUN AND COOKING IS EASY – IF IT WERE DIFFICULT OR TOOK ANY BRAINS AT ALL………THE HUMAN RACE WOULD HAVE DIED OFF CENTURIES AGO”  As a matter of fact, it is way harder to make something that tastes bad than it is to make something that tastes good.  With the exception of some personal quirks, prejudices and differences in people’s taste buds, everything we call ‘food’ tastes good.  All the stuff that tastes bad never made it into the category of ’food’.  Thinking back, I cannot remember ever getting a ‘bad’ tasting home-cooked meal or being served a piece of spoiled meat or fish in someone’s home.  I can remember lots of bad meals and spoiled food being served to me in restaurants though.  I am not trying to teach anyone how to make exotic ethnic dishes with arcane and expensive ingredients.  I just want folks to realize how easy it is and maybe to motivate them to get out in the kitchen and rattle some pots and pans.  It would also be personally gratifying if I could pass along some of the tricks and shortcuts I’ve picked up over the years of trial and error. 

The last new dish I ‘invented’ and put on my menu was “Almond Crusted Local Shrimp with a Homemade (Original Recipe) Apricot Chipotle Sauce”.  I was getting bored with my menu and wanted something new.  Does any one really think I eat this stuff at home? Nah, that’s restaurant food.  When I thought of the dish I knew it would taste really good, but that’s not the reason it made my menu.  Nope, it got on the menu for some other reasons 1.  Shrimp is a real money maker. 2.  It’s really easy to make.  3. I thought it would look good on the plate.  4. There was some kind of chipotle craze sweeping the country.  All the morons were making chipotle something or other on TV.   Chipotle chips, salsas and salad dressings all made it onto the super market shelves.

Even the fast food chains were pushing ‘Southwest’ chicken sandwiches and salads.  However, the real reason I chose it was because I knew I could write a killer description on my menu.  It’s been on my menu for a couple of months - it’s good and I sell a lot of it.  However, I ‘m not proud of my motives.  I feel like I’m in danger of becoming like one of those smarmy, holier than thou, morons on TV.  Smarmy? I sorta like the sound of that, although I have also referred to them as that band of ‘self-aggrandizing buffoons’.  I have called them ‘supercilious, condescending fools’, and ‘elitist charlatans’.  Well, I’m not gonna sugar coat it any more.  I’m adding snobby food writers to my list

of jerks who have managed to demean and trivialize some great American dishes.  When was the last time you said to yourself ‘Man! I really feel like a big bowl of chanterelles in a nice Madeira-veal reduction.” Or maybe mused  “you know what would go real good right now?….a nice free-range duckling slow roasted on a spit over some kiln dried apple-wood chips served with a nice organic blueberry-mint sauce and drizzled with 200 year old white truffle oil served on a bed of baby oak-leaf lettuce and arugula in a nice aromatic balsamic vinegar and raspberry vinaigrette?”  What a bunch of ‘B S’!!.  I think that by complicating everything, those jerks are just keeping people out of the kitchen.   I’m much more likely to be thinking “Damn, I want some meat-loaf and mashed potatoes” or maybe “what ever happened to macaroni and cheese? Chicken Pie?  Or  “I think I’ll make some split-pea soup with ham hocks.”  So,…….for at least the next few newsletters I will be talking about some great American dishes that they are trying to push into oblivion.  Damn it! I know as much as they do and I’m a better cook too and I won’t let them make me feel like a low class and trashy hill-billy because I like meat loaf and I’m not all that sure that arugula is even fit to eat.   Hell, I’ll say it loud and proud  “I love home-made macaroni and cheese.”  As a matter of fact, I think that a home-made macaroni and cheese with a nice cheddar, a crispy top and creamy middle deserves a place in the Pantheon of great American dishes………….right alongside the niche reserved for a rich chicken pie with a golden biscuit crust.  Which brings us, finally, to our recipe.

Oh, one more thing

I know that most of these dishes that I’m calling ‘Great American Dishes’ have roots in other places, but America is still a young country and these dishes have been around long enough to at least be called ‘naturalized’.  Anyway I’m calling them American and if you don’t like it…………tough.  I loved my mom’s chicken pie but didn’t try to make it for many years because it involved an oven and things like a crust and flour and rolling pins and baking powder and exact measurements—all things I’m not very good at.  Then one day I was making some pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy at a friends house  and thought out loud  “mmmm some biscuits would be good with this”.  She just happened to have a tube of those Pilsbury things in the fridge so I tossed them in the oven.  I guess I didn’t leave enough space because I wound up with one giant biscuit.  It looked beautiful though and tasted great.  Wow, I thought, I could use that as a crust for chicken pie.  I did – it was wonderful and I’ve been making like that for years.  I thought I was a genius until I found out that ‘biscuit crust’ chicken pie is a southern tradition and can be found in every regional cook-book ever printed.  It’s real easy to make and is guaranteed to bring lots of oohs and aahs when you bring it to the table.

You get three recipes for the price of one.  Here’s how to do it:

Biscuit crust chicken pie

And if you make this --- about half way through you will have made

The world’s best chicken soup and you will also have an

Incredible chicken stew

Parts List

Don’t be afraid of this one.  If you can turn on the oven and boil water you can make this beautiful dish!!

1 whole chicken……………… I don’t even know if they sell whole chickens in the states anymore.   Seems like the last time I was there everything was cut up and wrapped in plastic.  If you have a choice between broiler, fryer or stewing – get whatever’s cheapest. If you get lucky the bird will have a little waxed paper bag inside containing the neck, the feet, heart, gizzard and maybe even the head. You want to make sure you take them out of the bag before you start cooking.

3 or 4 potatoes………………….cut into bite sized pieces.  If you use bakers – peel them, if you use thin skinned new potatoes – just give them a good cleaning.  My preference for this dish is those little tiny new potatoes.  Some are small enough to leave whole or just cut in half.

Carrots………………….you want about half as much carrots as potatoes – cut into bite sized pieces

Onion……………………about as much onion as carrot, peeled and cut into bite sized pieces.  If you can find little white pearl onions use them and leave them whole.

1 bay leaf………………..this is not real important and the bay leaves we get here are small, very dry and quite weak I usually toss a couple in.  If you have large pungent leaves – use no more than one maybe only half.

2 cloves of garlic…………chopped finely.  Not very crucial to this dish - use more or less as you choose.  I usually toss one in.

Fresh parsley……………..a big handful, chopped. 

Optional stuff………………I usually check my freezer and if I have some peas or lima beans I throw some into the mix, it’s not real important but my mom always had peas in her’s.  If you’re just gonna make soup cut up a couple of medium size zucchinis but I don’t put them in the pie. 

A little flour and butter………no more than a couple tablespoons

Black pepper…………………..just 5 or 6 whole pepper corns or ground pepper to taste

Biscuits in a tube……………..1 or 2 tubes – depending on the size of your casserole/pie plate

Cooking it up

Put the chicken - along with whatever weird parts you found in the little bag - into a large pot and cover with cold water.  Bring it to a boil, turn it down to a slow simmer, put a lid on it and go take a nap.  Let it simmer for at least an hour and a half - more won’t hurt.  Turn it off take the lid off and let it cool.  Strain it through a colander.  Many purists and food snobs say you now to clarify the broth and get rid of all the fat. I say B.S.   I think the fat has a lot of flavor and gives the pie a rich color.  Maybe if the King and Queen of England were coming over for dinner I would refrigerate the broth for a couple of hours and take the congealed fat off, then reheat the broth and filter it through some cheese cloth or a kitchen towel, but they haven’t dropped by in months and I like to see little globules of fat floating on the surface.   Return the broth to the stove and bring it up to a simmer, taste it.  It will taste like dishwater and you will think I gave you a really crummy recipe.  Relax – in some magical way salt turns this soup from dishwater to delicious, but it takes more salt than you think. So, add some salt and taste it again.  If it still tastes crummy – add more salt.  There’s a thin line between perfection and too salty -- add the salt slowly and taste often.  When you’ve got it right toss in the potatoes, carrots, onion, garlic, bay leaf and pepper.   While the veggies are cooking you can be removing the meat from the chicken.  Just pull it off with your fingers and tear it into good bite sized pieces – you will have somewhere between 2-4 cups of meat.  When the veggies are all nice and tender but not mushy, turn off the heat and throw the chicken and the parsley into the mix. If you’re making the Chicken Pie you want the broth to just cover the chicken and veggies with them maybe just sticking up out of the liquid..  If there’s too much broth - pour some off and save it.  If there’s not enough add some water or canned chicken stock.  If you’re making soup you want more liquid so don’t pour any off.  Also for the soup you should add the Zucchini and what ever other veggies you found in the fridge – left over, frozen or fresh.  The soup is ready to serve. The Mexican way is to serve it with a lime wedge or two and maybe a sprinkle of chopped cilantro.

Those of you who are making the incredible Biscuit Crust Chicken Pie will want to thicken the broth. Melt a couple tablespoons of butter over medium heat in a little frying/sauté/sauce pan. Add an equal amount of flour and stir it around until you have a nice thick paste.   I’m always edgy about adding this big clump to the big pot  big pot so I thin it out by adding  a few ladles of the broth  and a little milk or cream of half and half (more for the color than for flavor) and stirring it around ‘til it’s not lumpy .  Then add it slowly into the simmering big pot. If the broth is not thick enough for you do some more flour-butter-milk.  You’re just about done.  As a matter of fact if you want to serve it in  a bowl and call it ‘Aunt Minnie’s Authentic Hillbilly Chicken Stew” you are done.  If you’re making the pie --- pour the mix into the oven proof dish/pot until it is about a half inch from the top.  Separate the now untubed biscuits and lay them on the surface like a pie crust.  Put it in the oven at the temperature on the biscuit tube (probably 350).  When the biscuits are risen and golden bring it to the table and listen to the oohs and aahs.

Here’s a suggestion.  Anyone who has ever eaten alligator or rattlesnake says it tastes like chicken. Why not call it something like “Genuine Cajun Bayou Gator” pie or “Painted Desert Navajo Rattlesnake Pie” ?  Who’ll know?

Let me know how it turns out. 

Spencer