In addition to running the restaurants and writing the stupid Newsletter, I am also the food writer for a local Cabo Magazine (Discover).  I write an article every two weeks or so.  Mostly I just rework an old newsletter – I have an editor so I clean up the language and cut out some of the angrier rants for the tourists.   At the magazine they think they’re dealing with a polite elderly gent – a role I’m not really comfortable with.  They have no idea that the articles are really written by a crazed old hippie with a serious anti-establishment bias and a foul mouth.  I like writing for you guys a lot more.  I get to say anything I want and I make up the rules as I go along.  Anyway, the point is: why should these tourists that don’t know me and have never eaten in my place get stuff that all my loyal customers and subscribers don’t get?  I like you guys better so I’m going to start sending my articles out to you in addition to the regular (or maybe I should say ‘not so regular’) Newsletter.   For those of you who miss my regular style -  I’m going to leave some blank spaces where you can insert the expletive of your choice.   So here is a copy of my latest article for ‘Discover’.

PINEAPPLE/CHIPOTLE SALSA

Summer must be coming.  Do you know how I can tell?  All the TV chef’s and food writers are talking  - (insert expletive)   about their secret BBQ sauce - (insert snotty comment about elitist self proclaimed ‘celebrity chefs and expensive arcane ingredients) - So, I guess it’s time to start thinking about those backyard BBQs and beach cookouts and getting  the trusty old Weber  ( insert something snotty about the rusty old weber cooking stuff that tastes just as good as a that cooked on a $10,000 stainless steel Wolfe) out of the garage and back on the patio where it belongs.  If you’ve been watching the celebrity chef’s and taking notes then you’re ready to start whipping up some home-made BBQ sauce.  One problem though – their recipes all call for a lot of ingredients you probably don’t have around the kitchen.  You’ll probably need to go shopping for some molasses and rice vinegar or apple cider vinegar, brown sugar, apple butter, liquid smoke, teriyaki sauce,  some guavas, Worcestershire, Tabasco sauce, A-1 sauce, honey, dry white wine and about a hundred other things that will go bad in your kitchen before you ever use them again.   Then you have to spend at least a couple of hours in the kitchen chopping and blending and measuring and cooking and then cleaning up the ungodly mess you made.  And just what do you have for all your trouble?  You have a pretty good thick red sauce that looks and tastes just about the same as all the other thick red sauces you’ve been eating since you were a kid.  I don’t know about you, but when I think about throwing some ribs or chicken or even some burgers on the Weber – the last thing I want to do is spend a bunch of time shopping, cooking and cleaning up.  If you’re the same as me you do what you usually do – head to the market and buy a couple of bottles of  a pretty good thick red sauce that looks and tastes about the same as all the others.  Thinking back over all the BBQ’d ribs and chicken I’ve eaten I my life not one single sauce stands out in my memory.  They were all good.  So instead of giving another recipe for the same old thing, I’m going to tell you how to make a BBQ sauce that’s pretty quick and easy to make – doesn’t involve a lot of cleanup – is not red – and doesn’t taste like anything your friends have ever had before.  I’m not going to claim I invented this sauce, but the first time I made it (some years ago) I had never seen anything like it.  It turned out so good I wound up putting the recipe in my newsletter www.felixcabosanlucas.com .  Before I sent it out I checked on Google to make sure I wasn’t stealing someone else’s idea.  There was nothing at all like it listed on Google so I sent it out.  Just for the heck of it I checked Google again when I started writing this article and there was page after page of “Pineapple-Chipotle” salsas listed – all almost identical to the recipe in my newsletter.  A half dozen or so of the recipe sites also happen to be subscribers to my newsletter – draw your own conclusion.  I originally made this as a table salsa for the salsa bar at my restaurant (Felix’) where I always have about 30 or so salsas.  It was so good on the carnitas and chicken that I started using it at home on BBQ ribs and chicken, I love it and you probably will too.

Here’s how I make it.  I suggest you read this through carefully before you start because I’m giving two recipes at once and you leave some of the stuff out of one of them.  The two are: a fresh chunky table salsa and a thick, smooth basting salsa.  I usually dab on the fresh salsa when the stuff is cooked but if you’re one who likes to lather the chicken and ribs while they’re cooking I’m giving that recipe too.

Pineapple-Chipotle salsa

Ingredients

1 fresh Pineapple – chopped   This is a whole lot better if you use fresh pineapple but you can use canned and still get a better salsa than any of your friends have.  You could probably use dried or frozen pineapple for that matter.

2 Chipotle Chiles en adobo - chopped fine. Use canned Chipotles in adobo, the dried chiles are a pain in the butt and the result is about the same.  Besides, you’re going to use some of the liquid in the can.

1 Red Bell Pepper - seeds and stems removed - chopped

2 or 3 or 4 cloves (or more) of Garlic – chopped fine,   you know how much garlic you like way better than I do.

A handful of chopped Green Onions

If you are making the thick, smooth BBQ sauce you will also need

Honey or brown sugar – Heck, you could use regular sugar or molasses too

Lemon/lime juice or vinegar – if you use vinegar I recommend rice or apple cider vinegar

Here’s how I put it all together

If you have a fresh pineapple, cut the top and bottom off and put them in the garbage or plant them or put them in your compost pile. Slice what's left of the pineapple in half - down through the core. Then slice the halves in two - down through the core. The core can be tough and woody and tasteless so trim it off and put it where ever it was that you put the top and bottom. Peel the outer skin off of the 4 quarters. Now you don't have to be real anal about this step. It's all right if you don't get every last little bit of the skin off. Just get the real big eyes and any seriously brown spots. If you’re using canned I would try not to use much of the syrup it’s packed in (too sweet and some times tastes of the can).  Chop the pineapple - don't blend it - and put it in a bowl. For making this amount of salsa I don't think it's worth it to go through the hassle of dealing with 2 dried chipotles and besides you’re going to use some of the liquid in the can.  Just open a small can of 'Chiles Chipotle en Adobo' and chop two of the chiles very finely and add it to the bowl with the Pineapple along with some of the liquid from the can. Chop the garlic and the Red Pepper (if you’re making the thick smooth basting salsa, skip the red pepper entirely.  It’s mostly for looks in the fresh chunky salsa, and you’re gonna blend it) add them the bowl of pineapple. Add the chopped green onions (the green onions are mostly for looks too – so leave them out of the blended version).

Too hot?  - add some more pineapple.

Not hot enough?  add some more chiles.

Too sour?   Add some brown sugar or honey

Too Sweet?  Add some lemon-lime juice or even vinegar.  If you use vinegar I recommend rice vinegar

Okay! Congratulations, you have just made a great ‘Fresh Pineapple-Chipotle Salsa“, that may or may not be an original recipe.  This salsa is great on chicken, ribs, carnitas, tacos, quesadillas even grilled fish of fish fingers.

If you want the smooth thick BBQ sauce there are a couple of additional steps.

You make the salsa exactly the same way but leave out the red pepper and green onion.  When the salsa is made – run it through the blender with enough water so it’s thicker than pancake syrup, but not as thick as honey.  Melt some butter in a pan over low-medium heat and add the now blended salsa. Taste it. Adjust it with the sugar or honey and lime juice or vinegar until it’s just the right sweetness for you.  This is going to sound silly but once you have it exactly right, add a whole bunch more sweetener until it is way too sweet. And then add the lime juice or vinegar until it is back in balance.  It will taste about the same but the lime-sugar combination does something that makes it a whole lot better.  Cook it at a slow simmer it over the low-medium heat for at least a half an hour, being careful to not burn it ( if you do burn it a little just call it ‘Charred’ Pineapple Chipotle Sauce’ – and claim it was intentional  - They’ll never know).  If it’s too thin add some water and if it’s too thick just simmer it some more until it thickens up.  Since everybody on the internet is claiming this as an original sauce I think you should too.  It’s done and you can go brush it on that chicken or rack of baby back ribs.  Happy Barbecueing!!

Spencer  

PS.  Incidentally, if you leave the chiles out you will make a great home-made pineapple jam. Or, if you start with some sauteed onions and chopped jalapenos  add some crushed clove and don’t blend it you will have a great pineapple chutney.