What the heck is going on with this chipotle chile craze??
 
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of requests for recipes using chiles chipotles.  I guess all the foodies and self-anointed celebrity chefs have finally stumbled on to this wonderful chile.  Hell, even the fast food joints are jumping on the chipotle bandwagon.  I’ve seen a TV commercials for a ‘southwest’ chicken sandwich with chipotle salsa and another for a ‘chipotle’ burger and bottles of chipotle salsas and chipotle flavored chips are appearing in super markets. Hell, every single ‘trendy ‘ restaurant has at least a couple of chipotle recipes (chipotle mashed potatoes and chipotle vinaigrette at the very least) I’m sort of embarrassed because I thought I had done a newsletter on chipotles long ago. So I directed those who asked to my web site www.felixcabosanlucas.com ..  I got a couple of letters back saying that there was nothing about ‘chipotles’ on my ‘stupid’ web site.   I smugly replied that “maybe you should check out the recipe entitled ‘Cooking With Dried Chiles’” I got back a reply suggesting that maybe my experiences in the 60’s had left me brain damaged because there was nothing about chipotles there either.  I apologize.  They were right. I have completely ignored the noble chipotle.  Sorry.  I’ll try to make it up to you right now. But first let me say in my defense “ I don’t remember doing anything in the 60’s that would have caused any brain damage’ ---- As a matter of fact I don’t remember anything about the 60’s at all. So there!!  Don’t forget to check out my friend’s great new Creole cookbook.  His name is Joseph Carey and he knows his stuff.  What’s more he remembers a lot of it. I don’t have much respect for most celebrity’ chefs but Joseph is the real deal.   Check it out at  here. I might point out that there is no truth to that pernicious story about me and Joseph and the Russian twins—Magda and Svetlana the exotic dancers, besides I paid for the damn banjo and Joseph made full restitution to the proctologist and the taxidermy guy got his damn weasel back and wouldn’t press charges anyway.  When we were at the Ordinary in the late 60’s or early 70’s – I don’t remember exactly.  The very worst times were trying to get all those whacked out hippies to leave at closing time. They would hide under tables or behind amps or in the bathrooms.  They generally weren’t a mean or troublesome group—we rarely had any fights, but they did not want the party to end. One Friday night I was having an especially hard time clearing them out.  Joseph turned on the P.A.  And asked, at high volume “Do any of you know the crazy guy in the parking lot??” Having got their attention, he continued, “Anyway he’s giving away ounces of Blonde Lebanese Hash and I’m afraid the cops………”  He never got to finish his sentence. The place was emptied like there was a breach in the hull of a space ship I almost got sucked out in the rush.  Our crowd was so stoned and bereft of  short term memory that I was able to use the same technique on the same stoned clientele every Friday and Saturday night for a year merely by changing the ‘hash to Thai weed or primo columbian.  When we’d finally leave there was always a bunch of disgruntled hippies in the parking lot hitting themselves upside  the head muttering “oh, wow, man, I can’t believe I fell for that again.” Any way check out his book- even got a couple of my recipes in it.
way more information than anyone really needs about chipotle chiles………
The fact that this chile has an Aztec name lets us know that it predates Europeans in this hemisphere—I’d guess that Aztec kings and queens were enjoying this exotic delight while our European ancestors were still painting their faces blue and throwing rocks at each other. The name comes from the Indian words ‘chil’  and ‘poctli’  (chile and smoke). It is also spelled chilpotle an chipocle all are correct.  The chipotle is nothing more than a ripe red jalapeno that is dried over a smoky fire.  Let me digress. 

Digression #1……

Over the years while driving through the deserts of Mexico I would occasionally see in the distance a rolling hill covered carpeted with lush, bright red flowers.  I always thought it strange and finally one year I followed a dirt road to check out the flowers and was surprised to find that the flowers were actually ripe chiles spread out on the dirt to dry in the sun (which is why you should probably rinse, or at least dust off, any dried chiles you buy).  Jalapeños are much fleshier than other chiles and if you set them on the ground to dry in the sun mostly they just rot and turn to mush. Some slick Aztec figured out how to preserve the jalapenos by hot-smoking them.  However this process is time consuming and costly, so chipotles pretty much just disappeared for hundreds if not thousands of years. They have really only been available commercially for the last decade or so.  I had never heard of them until I moved to Cabo in the early 90’s when I fell in love with their rich smoky flavor.  Legend has it that some anonymous jalpeño grower in the sixties was losing a lot of chiles because the occasional red ripe jalapeno that got mixed in with the green ones ready for market would rot and take the rest of the batch with them (the old ‘rotten apple’ theory).  So he tried pre-picking all the red ripe chiles to keep the others pure.   So he wound up with a whole lot of ripe red chiles that he couldn’t sell because they would rot before he could get them to market. He tried smoking them and the rest is history – or so the story goes.

back to the subject at hand……….

Most dried chiles are about as substantial as an autumn leaf – drop one and it wafts gently to the floor.  Chipotles have some heft drop one and it goes ‘thunk’. They are not very appetizing to look at – somewhere between a dirty walnut and an over sized chewed up cigar butt.  Don’t be put off!   These chiles have an absolutely wonderful intense smoky flavor that is unique.  There are no substitutes that I know of. There may be some idiot savant out there who can tell by taste the difference between a salsa made with ancho or pasilla or aji panca or guajillo or mirasol or mulatto or a chile de ristra but mostly they’re lying.  But   even a half-wit like Emeril or that moron braggadocio, Bobby Flay can recognize the distinctive smokiness of a chipotle – chilpolte – chilpocle.  Whatever you call them- they’re great.  Another really great thing about these chiles is the fact that the canned are just as good as the dried. I’ve been working with them on a daily basis for about 15 years and I’m not at all sure I can tell them apart in a salsa.  I’ve never actually done a side by side blind tasting, so go ahead and use the canned – no one will know.  The dried take a little more work but it’s fun to watch this shriveled up dirty brown cigar butt turn into a plump reddish chile.

A few chipotle recipes……

Or chipocle if you prefer……………..
 
Chipotle table salsa:
This is an all purpose red table salsa especially good -- in my humble opinion –
on eggs, beef tacos, bbq chicken or as an attention getting dip for chips.

Parts list

1 onion………………………finely chopped
garlic…………………………finely chopped

(I like garlic but you can use one or forty cloves depending on how you feel about it)  When talking about the perfect food, my friend Nestor used to say “the only thing wrong with rocky road ice cream is it doesn’t have enough garlic”

2 large ripe tomatoes………also finely chopped

(if your  supermarket  tomatoes are as crummy as mine –use canned or use more of a smaller plum or cherry tomato. If you’re feeling elegant you could peel and seed the tomatoes (I don’t)
 
2 chipotle chiles………………finely chopped (as I told you canned or dried—your choice).  If you use dried you have to soak them in water until they reconstitute -- takes a while or you could do what I do, put them in a little sauce pan covered with water and simmer them for 5 or so minutes. When the chiles are all plump and soft put them in a bowl and save the water.
 
let’s do it

Cook the onion and garlic in a little teeny bit of oil until it’s cooked but not brown
(in order to make you feel stupid the celebrity yahoos refer to this step as sweating the onions and garlic)  when they’re  cooked (or all sweaty if you like) add the tomatoes and chilles and cook - barely simmering - for a few minutes – 5 or so.  If it looks dryer than you want your salsa to be add some water or if you saved the chile water, even better. If you like your salsa on the chunky side just cool and serve.  If you want it smooth, let it cool and run it through your blender.  For an even fancier, shinier version , after it’s blended put it through a strainer. Let me know how it turns out.
 
 
One more thing

I’m giving away the secret of how celebrity chefs can ‘create so many wonderful recipes. It’s all bullshit. You just steal somebody else’s recipe, change it slightly and give it a really hip name that looks good on  a menu.  Here are a few examples
You can make it real hot by using  more chiles or you can thin it out with sour cream – add some chopped cilantro and you have my “Pink Chipotle Salsa”.  Great as a dip
 
Or:  instead of sour cream, use mayonnaise and call it  ‘Southwestern Chipotle Mayonaise’ great on a grilled chicken sandwich
 
Or:     put a couple cloves of garlic and a chipotle chile in a blender with some lemon juice then mix it in with some mayonnaise and call it  ‘Lemony Chipotle Aioli Provencal’  This would be real good with most fish.
 
Or:    Instead of chopping the tomato, onion, and garlic in the salsa recipe – leave them whole and blacken them in a tiny bit of oil – let them cool then blend with some chipotles and call it “Smoky Chipotle & Pan Roasted Tomato Salsa”
 
Or:  Just put a whole can of chipotles and the liquid from the can into a blender with a little water- puree it – put it in a bowl and put a sprig of cilantro on top and cal it “Tio Pico’s Smoky Rattlesnake Salsa”
 
Or: add some to your favorite oil and vinegar dressing and call it “Chipotle Vinaigrette”  Or you could transform a cheap bottle of junky ‘ranch’ into “The Imus Ranch Presents Santa Fe Free Range Chipotle Cowboy Chuck Wagon Ranch Dressing”